Growing up I was taught all things were holy. From the ground we walk on, to the air we breath, to the sun that shines each day, to the tears we shed in joy in sadness. God blesses everything and he always has a plan. He always forgives and he always makes things work. Even our biggest mistakes he forgives us for and we learn from them. Sometimes those things end up turning into something we cherish more than our own lives. God loves us, but wouldn't be easier if people did too?

Daddy preaches from the pulpit every Sunday morning as he has since before I was born. But sometimes I think the words are hollow. He speaks of forgiveness yet he couldn't forgive me for the things I've done. I spent two years trying to make repentance for some sin I was supposed to have committed. And I know he would be angry if I said I wasn't sorry for what I had done. That it was all totally totally worth it. I never believed that one thing could change everything.

There are supposed to be times in life when we look back at the things we've done and question if it was all worth it. And I'm not that old. But I look back on everything and I can honestly say I high school on time and the work I do now and making the best mistake of my life in a hot tub when I was drunk. The rest of it, every single other thing I've done in my life I've regretted.

Growing up I tried to be perfect, I guess that’s probably what my downfall was. I always tried to be what people expected me to be. The A plus student, the girl next door, the perfect high school girlfriend. And no one really thought otherwise of me except the person that meant more to me than anything. In high school I dated the same boy for 3 years. And I thought I seriously loved him. But we broke up...because I wouldn't put out. Yet somehow… from someone, I won’t say who since It doesn’t matter, I got pregnant. Of course I wouldn’t tell mom and daddy who the baby’s father was. That’s my business and no one else’s. It shouldn’t have mattered anyway.

I wanted that baby. That little girl. And my parent, my preacher father, took me to the clinic because that’s what everyone said I should do, get rid of the little one growing inside of me. And I was young and I was easily persuaded, and because I loved my family and I loved that baby, I was willing to give it up. I wanted what was best for them, I wanted the people of the town to still respect them... even if their daughter had messed up. But in the end I was stronger. I made my decision and I was ready to live with it.. We walked out of that clinic together and never looked back. I went through a pregnancy with barely any support from them. I gave up going to church and seeing the looks of shame and disgust on people’s faces.

I don’t regret having my little girl. Every day when I wake up and I hold her or I feed her or I read and sing to her and she looks up at me with those big eyes I know I made the right decision in keeping her. She’s my life and she’s all I’ve ever hoped for. She’s beautiful and smart and amazing. Or maybe that’s just the proud mother in me talking.

I got through high school with the pregnancy and some amazing daycare at the very end of it. People always looked at me strange because I was the preacher’s daughter and I was the pregnant girl. But if they took the chance to see me instead of the bump on my stomach they would know I was still the same person I always was. But people judge you different after. But I worked hard and I passed my tests and I got a scholarship for college. Its hard, balancing classes and motherhood and the jobs I work. Its hard being away from home, since I moved as soon as I graduated, I hated the way my parents looked at me. But my grandparents were understanding and I live at the guest house on their property now. They watch Hannah when I’m at school or I’m working. It might not be perfect, and I know I shouldn’t expect them to take care of her like they do, but I don’t know if I’d be able to make it alone right now. I thank them every day and I thank God for all he’s given me. From my wonderful grandparents, to my wonderful baby, to the great schooling I’m getting. I can only hope that someday I can make them all proud.